Hello again

 I couldn’t log back into Rhysyle blogspot so I decided to make a continuation on here. It’s been years since I wrote in there anyway. I really want to “find myself” this year. The last 5 years have been a hazy blur of survival during difficult times in my marriage and becoming a mother and an ever changing body I am no longer comfortable in.

I haven’t felt alive at all, but merely just getting by so I can be a good parent and somehow a decent employee so that I can be financially independent. 

My last pregnancy with C almost broke me. I was severely sick to the point I ended up in the ER with severe dehydration from constant vomiting. I still worked all the way up to my third trimester. How it works in America (well Texas at the very least) is that you have to work all the way until you give birth - you cannot start your maternity leave before that. Luckily, due to Covid, my doctor wrote me off from work at 37 weeks THANK GOD because i was not coping well. My job was 1.5 hour away with the crazy Dallas traffic and it was pure hell doing that everyday, what with being sick, tired & frail (unable to eat at all) and then having to pick up Tommy from daycare and deal with him until bed time.

BUT, here I am, with my beautiful little C and in April she will be two. I made the difficult decision to have no more children. I always wanted to have 3 but I had no idea how hard pregnancies could be, especially living in a country where I have no family, no support besides Michael. In all honesty, I just couldn’t bear having to go through another pregnancy and have to work considering how hard it is for me being pregnant. I am quite content at the idea of having just my 2 little ones and now starting a new chapter in my life where I can start to try to prioritize myself and my wellbeing a little better.